Learning submission

Having a small child really requires you to start to learn the discipline of submission. Or maybe I am only get a glimpse of what that discipline really looks like. It is easy, however, to give in to her will. It is not easy to give into the will of another. I need to really seek first the Kingdom and remember that whoever is in authority over me cannot be freed of that until I seek God's counsel. I cannot just run away...quit a job....do whatever. And accept that those in authority make choices about matters I might think should go differently. It is not for me to worry if a co-worker should be fired because I think it might do him or her good.

Lord, I love my daughter so much, but help me to love my sisters (those who seek after truth and You).

Transform my soul, Lord!

No time in practicing this key discipline this weekend, but I did have some powerful moments of introspection I was led into through reading Invitation to Solitude and Silence by Ruth Haley Barton.  It allowed me to see how dangerously tired I am.  I’m so exhausted.  After leaving a company full of bitterness and anger toward them for the greed of its owners and leaders, I have been striving for the same thing that caused me to leave: love of money for its own sake (economic power).  Interesting how that happens.  When greed causes injustice, we often take our eyes off of Jesus and fall into the sin that caused the injustice against us in the first place. Sin really is that destructive and insidious.

God help me to take my eyes off of money and the power it gives.  And to always focus on these words “…if riches increase, do not set your heart upon them.” (from Psalm 62 - NASB).  Draw me with your love to seek first Your Kingdom.  I still want to win the lottery.  But I want to want to be free of worry about this life, which is so short.  The Lord Jesus’ name is glorified forever and ever.  Amen.

Thriving on anger

One of the most sin practices I continue to engage in is thriving on anger. When am bored driving to work in traffic, I begin to think about times I was treated unjustly (not necessarily entirely true) and I fantasize about how I could have really retaliated. I could have sued them, made a police report (and stretched the truth to do it), got the union involved, etc.

I feel so at odds with myself when I do this. I don’t like how it feels; but I do also enjoy it in a way. What a difficult thing to admit! I thrive on evil thoughts. I know I want to want what I don’t want now. I want my drive to work to be filled with worshipful thoughts and songs. My day begins on such a peaceful note when I do this.

Walls in the Way

Walls in the Way

These Walls is a great song from Dream Theater.  I will always love it.  Their musicianship comes out in ways I never imagined.  I feel like a wall is between me and success at deepening silence and solitude.  Maybe a sin is between me and God.  Maybe I have been rationalizing something for too long.  How do I break these Walls down?  Or do I let God take these down?  Is it alcohol?  Is it something else?  I’m not sure.  I’m so scared of becoming the Pharisee who refuses to drink at any cost (offending people).

Lord, if I am avoiding your call too abandon something; make your words clear that my sinful ears can hear them. Amen.

Struggling through.

Silence and solitude have been difficult. I find it difficult to find that place where I’m really at rest in God. I am putting forward some effort. I wonder, am I just searching for feelings, and not true transformation that leads to those feelings? One real problem is finding time for sleep. I seem to play catch up when trying to spend time alone with God.

Living God, help me to seek sleep over entertainment or other pleasures. Break my addictions to activity. Amen.

Avoiding God

I’m avoiding God again.  I spent time in silence and solitude on Sunday, but I didn’t really stay long enough.  It has left me mostly dry this week.  I keep sensing I need to buy the Amplified Bible (a great paraphrase translation).  I noticed on Amazon.com a lot of the reviewers only reviewed it last year.  This clearly reveals the truth of its importance.  It is also a key historical fact that it was translated mostly by a woman of God.  God bless all the women who love Him and know in their deepest hearts that Jesus COULD have been a woman!!  I think I’m just going to buy the thing today.

I’m not totally avoiding God.  I called a friend I sensed God wanted me to call.  I also apologized to my wife for a hurtful comment I made weeks ago.  I never adequately apologized for it before yesterday.  I’m not drinking heavily.  I’m even on medication that forbids it.

God guide and be with me.  Help my unbelief…Draw me closer to you.  Using your love alone.  Draw me into your Divine Heart.  May I understand the depth of your love and power.

Avoiding again..

I've been avoiding the call to the quiet again recently. I've been listening to too much Dream Theater, after seeing them in concert. Great band. In moderation, their lyrics are fine. They are about the human journey: fears, hopes, spiritual beliefs, struggle, etc. In excess they draw me away from Christ. Pray that I can be drawn deeper to find Christ in the silence and solitude. I did have a short but refreshing time of meditating on the Lord's Prayer this morning.

Dallas Willard is right!! Finding new words really helps make the Lord's Prayer alive for you. The Eastern Orthodox ending is "Thine is the Kingdom of the Father, and the Son, and the most Holy and Life-Giving Spirt, Amen."