Thriving on anger

One of the most sin practices I continue to engage in is thriving on anger. When am bored driving to work in traffic, I begin to think about times I was treated unjustly (not necessarily entirely true) and I fantasize about how I could have really retaliated. I could have sued them, made a police report (and stretched the truth to do it), got the union involved, etc.

I feel so at odds with myself when I do this. I don’t like how it feels; but I do also enjoy it in a way. What a difficult thing to admit! I thrive on evil thoughts. I know I want to want what I don’t want now. I want my drive to work to be filled with worshipful thoughts and songs. My day begins on such a peaceful note when I do this.

Walls in the Way

Walls in the Way

These Walls is a great song from Dream Theater.  I will always love it.  Their musicianship comes out in ways I never imagined.  I feel like a wall is between me and success at deepening silence and solitude.  Maybe a sin is between me and God.  Maybe I have been rationalizing something for too long.  How do I break these Walls down?  Or do I let God take these down?  Is it alcohol?  Is it something else?  I’m not sure.  I’m so scared of becoming the Pharisee who refuses to drink at any cost (offending people).

Lord, if I am avoiding your call too abandon something; make your words clear that my sinful ears can hear them. Amen.